Struggles

The last couple of weeks have not been good for me.  I have many things to be thankful for in life, so many blessings, and yet I've been...sad.  Sad is the only word I can think of to describe how I feel.  I wouldn't say that I feel depressed, but does depression have a distinct feeling?  I don't know.

My healthy living habits have gone down the tubes.  My husband and I ate vegetarian meals for all of Holy Week, which was great.  I used to be a (flexible) vegetarian before we got married, and I felt very empowered returning to those eating habits.  But then Easter came.  Against my better judgement, we bought three small bags of candy because I had a coupon.  The very next day we received two medium-sized boxes filled with candy and other Easter goodies form my mother-in-law.  While that was a very nice gesture (and I certainly don't want to come across as ungrateful), I made my husband take 90% of it to work.  I have sucky self-control.  I also decided to make a carrot cake from scratch as part of Easter dinner.  Next year maybe I'll remember to make cupcakes instead to help with portion control and so that it's easier for my  husband to take the "left-overs" to work.

After that, it has been downhill.  I'm totally stressed out with going to school full time as a Ph.D. candidate, working part time, being overinvolved in church, and trying to keep up with my wifely duties, spiritual life, and general adult responsibilities.  As a result, I can't stop eating, I've had not time to go to the gym, I've gained weight, my skin looks like I"m going through puberty, and I feel fat.

But I'm not going to give up.  I'm going to re-establish my healthy living habits one at a time until I'm back on track.  I have a pretty good chance at having an abstract accepted for a conference this December in Hawaii (how sweet is that?!!!).  I want to be back to my pre-wedding size by then, which means losing approximately 20 pounds.  If I can do it by our second wedding anniversary in July, even better.  Besides, I pledged to lose 19 pounds for the Pound for Pound Challenge.

To end on a happy note, I made it through Sam's Club at 4:30pm without eating any samples.  Also, I've been medically cleared to start running again, so I've entered a give-away at Shut Up and Run! for some new running gear.  If I don't win, I might get some cheap new running clothes at Target for some motivation.

Question of the day:  What's your favorite workout gear?

I Love Running

I love running, but I forgot.

I went for a walk this evening all by myself. I'm working on achieving 10,000 steps a day, which is harder than it sounds. At least I think it's harder than it sounds. Anyways, before I knew it, I was walking faster and faster until I broke into a jog. Without anyone with me and without any music or other distractions, I was able to focus on how good it made me feel to run again. I miss running.

I still felt some twinges of pain in my legs, but I suspect that may have been partly due to me not wearing my running shoes. The real test will be tomorrow. We'll see if I can walk normally or not.

And in case you're wondering, I didn't reach my 10,000 step goal. I'm just shy with 9,405, but you know what? I'm ok with that.

:)

Adventures in Running

Almost a year after I stopped running seriously and six months since I stopped running, I have started a new program. On Saturday, I went on a run with my ROTC brother, who effectively became my personal trainer. Unfortunately, I didn't run as far as he had hoped, but at least I got back into it. We covered a total of 2 miles. I ran a maximum of 1 mile, but probably less; I'm bad at guessing my running mileage. I am a very stubborn person and therefore was resistant to my brother's encouragement to keep running. I have suffered far too many running injuries and would like to avoid that situation again. Sorry bro, but I'm going to listen to my body before I listen to you.

Yesterday and today my legs hurt so bad I could barely walk. Stairs were pretty much out of the question. I've learned from previous running conquests that running again will help ease the pain, so against my body's wishes, I went for another run this evening. I have absolutely no idea how much ground I covered or even how long I was gone. I had no watch on and forgot to put on my pedometer. Additionally, I decided to run a different course last-minute than I had on Saturday, so I can't even compare the two days. That's fine with me.

I've decided for not to focus more on proper running style than time or distance. As my body gets stronger and realizes I'm not giving up this time (I hope), my running time and distance will increase. My goal is to be able to run 30 minutes straight by the end of the summer. Wish me luck!