Struggles

The last couple of weeks have not been good for me.  I have many things to be thankful for in life, so many blessings, and yet I've been...sad.  Sad is the only word I can think of to describe how I feel.  I wouldn't say that I feel depressed, but does depression have a distinct feeling?  I don't know.

My healthy living habits have gone down the tubes.  My husband and I ate vegetarian meals for all of Holy Week, which was great.  I used to be a (flexible) vegetarian before we got married, and I felt very empowered returning to those eating habits.  But then Easter came.  Against my better judgement, we bought three small bags of candy because I had a coupon.  The very next day we received two medium-sized boxes filled with candy and other Easter goodies form my mother-in-law.  While that was a very nice gesture (and I certainly don't want to come across as ungrateful), I made my husband take 90% of it to work.  I have sucky self-control.  I also decided to make a carrot cake from scratch as part of Easter dinner.  Next year maybe I'll remember to make cupcakes instead to help with portion control and so that it's easier for my  husband to take the "left-overs" to work.

After that, it has been downhill.  I'm totally stressed out with going to school full time as a Ph.D. candidate, working part time, being overinvolved in church, and trying to keep up with my wifely duties, spiritual life, and general adult responsibilities.  As a result, I can't stop eating, I've had not time to go to the gym, I've gained weight, my skin looks like I"m going through puberty, and I feel fat.

But I'm not going to give up.  I'm going to re-establish my healthy living habits one at a time until I'm back on track.  I have a pretty good chance at having an abstract accepted for a conference this December in Hawaii (how sweet is that?!!!).  I want to be back to my pre-wedding size by then, which means losing approximately 20 pounds.  If I can do it by our second wedding anniversary in July, even better.  Besides, I pledged to lose 19 pounds for the Pound for Pound Challenge.

To end on a happy note, I made it through Sam's Club at 4:30pm without eating any samples.  Also, I've been medically cleared to start running again, so I've entered a give-away at Shut Up and Run! for some new running gear.  If I don't win, I might get some cheap new running clothes at Target for some motivation.

Question of the day:  What's your favorite workout gear?

I've lost track

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I hope that if you are/were traveling you arrived or will arrive safely to your destination. My husband and I spent all day yesterday driving to his parent's house. In a few minutes we will be off to see my family for the morning. I am so excited!

Before I get to my journal entry, here's a little background on my ankle: While I was working this summer, I noticed that my left ankle would swell up pretty badly. It eventually got to the point where I went to an urgent care facility, but they could do nothing for me. Since it wasn't hurting me, I decided not to pursue it any further until I returned to school. Fast forward to the end of October, when my ankle really started to hurt. The health clinic on campus took x-rays, found no broken bones, and referred me to a physician with a health medicine background. This new doctor prescribed an anti-inflammatory for a few weeks, which didn't help at all, so I was sent for an MRI, which I have to say was a cool experience for someone with my background. The MRI revealed a bone bruise above my ankle (sorry, I don't remember all the technical terms) and fluid build-up (edema?) around my ankle bone. So now I've started 6 weeks of physical therapy, which I really hope gets me back into running!

Anyways, here's my journal entry from Nov. 24:

Breakfast: oatmeal

Lunch: chicken noodle soup

Dinner: Mexican restaurant: chips and salsa, diet coke, cheese quesadilla, chicken enchilada, chicken burrito (or something like that)

Other: oatmeal chocolate chip cookie, nerds, pumpkin seeds, yoplait delights, graham cracker

Over the past week, I've really fallen off the weight-loss train. I was flat out lazy and stopped keeping track of my eating, which has not been all that wonderful. I've particularly had problems with snacking now that my husband has started his new job.

I've also been slacking on the gym time. After talking to my husband, I'm going to have to start going to the gym without him in order to get enough exercise time in. I also need a training goal to work towards. I'm not allowed to run or do any other weight-bearing activity because of my ankle, but the physical therapist has approved bicycling and the elliptical. I tried the elliptical yesterday and was really paying for it today, so I don't think I'll be trying that again until after my next PT appointment. So that leaves the bicycle. I've been unsuccessful so far in finding a training regimen for it. Can anyone point me to some book websites for bicycling that would have training plans on it?

New Motivation

I'm not able to run due to possible shin splints, so I've been slacking off in the exercise department. However, I hope I've found some new motivation--two fitness challenges. The first is HFN Holiday Challenge from The Nest, which runs from November 1 until December 31 and has a point basis. The second challenge is the Holiday Health Nut Challenge, which is being run by Destination: Athlete from November 2 until December 28. For me, this is a weight loss challenge, similar to The Biggest Loser (my favorite show!). I am attempting to lose 12 pounds by the end of the challenge, drink 80 oz. of water a day, and keep a food journal. I'm hoping that these two challenges will help keep me accountable for the food I put in my mouth and provide motivation for going to the gym, or at least to do a workout video here in the apartment!

So, here are my check-ins for each challenge:

HFN Holiday Challenge:

• drink enough water - 5pts
• 30 minutes of incidental activity - 5pts
• 3 meals a day - 5pts
• wear sunscreen - 5pts
• blog about how you feel - 5pts
• get 6-9 hours of sleep - 5pts
• eat home-made breakfast - 10pts
• eat home-made dinner - 10pts
• avoid alcohol - 10pts
• drink only water for the day - 10pts

I need to find a Health & Fitness related book to read. Any suggestions? I'll need to make a stop at the public library or the school library.

Holiday Health Nut Challenge:

My beginning weight for this challenge is 142 pounds. I hope to make it to 130 by December 28, with a long-term goal of 120 pounds. Surprisingly enough, I actually did drink 80 oz. of water today. That sounds like so much water to me, that I didn't think I really accomplished it, but I did! For the food journal, here's what I ate today:

• 2 graham cracker sheets spread with peanut butter (~1 tbps)
• canned fruit (~1/2 cup)
• 6 inch turkey sub on 9-grain honey oat with spinach, cucumbers, tomatoes, olives, and pickles
• small box of Milk Duds
• canned fruit (~1/4 cup)
• mini snickers bar
• 2.5 cornbread squares
• 1/2 cup pork BBQ
• a little more than 1/4 cup baked beans

My biggest problem was that I was starving when I got home from school, or else I wouldn't have eaten the extra canned fruit or the mini snickers bar. This actually sounded a lot worse in my head, but doesn't seem so bad written down, which may be due to crappy estimating (note to self: measure food from now on). If I can find a calorie estimator online, I'll post the tally later on.

The big thing I haven't done yet today is make it to the gym for a dedicated workout. I know these are crappy reasons, but my foot was really hurting, I have a rebound headache from the anti-inflammatory medicine the doctor has me on, and I'm tired. Maybe I'll play Wii for a little while. Does that count as a dedicated workout? Something tells me no.